


it's how gravity works; it's why they call it falling

by Rhovanel



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Declarations Of Love, F/F, Falling In Love, I Will Go Down With This Ship, just let me have a salarian romance bioware, spoilers for the full game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 20:20:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11066388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rhovanel/pseuds/Rhovanel
Summary: Leaping into an unknown galaxy was one thing, but falling in love? That was something else entirely.





	it's how gravity works; it's why they call it falling

Ryder has never quite understood the appeal of stars.

When she was a child, Alec would take her and her brother out on clear evenings to comb the sky. He’d point out constellations and comets, and Ryder would try and trace them with her fingertips.

‘One day, we’ll go up there together,’ her father always said. ‘You’ll see.’ Everything her father said was couched in empty promises and potential futures that never eventuated. As Ryder grew older, she decided she had no time for those ideals and no use for the stars - or at least, not the stars as the symbol of possibility.

She was always more interested in the ground. You could touch the ground. Dig your fingers and toes into it, and leave an imprint behind that said you were here. It was why she’d been so drawn to working in Prothean dig sites across the Milky Way. 

But Pathfinders, she thinks, are supposed to have their eyes turned to the heavens. She doesn’t know why her father gave her this responsibility. She doesn’t want the hopes of the whole galaxy on her shoulders. She doesn’t want to be a Pathfinder.

Or least, she doesn’t until she meets Zevin Raeka. 

Ryder watches in awe as she shakes off the effects of a 600 year sleep like it was nothing. She doesn’t hesitate - she just gathers the information she needs, pulls together a team, and goes straight to the fighting. There’s something about her that Ryder trusts immediately. She feels safe with Raeka - well, as safe as anyone can feel on an enemy ship in an unknown galaxy - but shielded in a way she hasn’t felt since she followed in her father’s footsteps on Habitat 7. It reminds her of the harness she’d wear when she’d go climbing through Prothean ruins. No matter how she slipped or scrambled, there’d be something to catch her when she fell.

So when she calls to say a final goodbye - _from one Pathfinder to another_ \- Ryder reacts instinctively. _No_ , she thinks. _I’m not doing this alone._

*******

Raeka checks and re-checks her gun. She’s fought her way through countless waves of Kett, and she knows her people are trapped just beyond the door she’s crouched beside. She won’t leave them behind. If this is the only decision she makes as the Salarian pathfinder, she’ll be sure to make it a good one.

Her thoughts turn to the human pathfinder. Alec’s daughter. She has no time to grieve the loss of her friend, but she can’t help but wonder what he was thinking. Ryder is young, and untrained, and from the information she’s gathered so far, has been working as the Nexus’s sole Pathfinder since they arrived in Heleus. So much responsibility to thrust upon someone who didn’t ask for it.

She shouldn’t have called her, she realises that now. But there was something about the look on Ryder’s face after they’d fought through the first wave of Kett that made her open the comm line. It was…hope. Hope on the face of someone who obviously hadn’t felt that emotion for a while. Raeka doesn’t know what Ryder’s been through, but she’s got a krogan on one side and a…whatever that was on the other, so she must have been doing something right. She’ll make it out alive. 

She turns rapidly when she hears footsteps behind her, gun raised, and is surprised to see Ryder, relief etched across her face. 

‘Pathfinder,’ she says, lowering her weapon. ‘You came.’

‘Raeka…we couldn’t just leave you here.’

‘You could have. You chose not to.’ Raeka holds out her hand, and Ryder clasps it firmly. ‘Thank you.’

Ryder nods, reloading her weapon. ‘You’re welcome,’ she says simply. ‘And besides, tough decisions and heroic rescues are part of the job.’ She frowns and throws a look back at Raeka. ‘I mean…they are part of the job, right?’

Despite the confusion, and the danger, and the sheer improbability of it all, Raeka laughs. She moves to take up a position at Ryder’s side. ‘Okay, Pathfinder’, she says, ‘let’s go to work.’

*******

Whenever Ryder returns to the Nexus, she heads directly to Pathfinder HQ. She tells herself that she’s dutifully checking in with Tann, although that usually involves little more than rolling her eyes at his growing list of demands and complaints. If she’s honest, her feet take her directly to Tann’s office for one reason, and that’s Zevin Raeka.

She needs someone to talk to. She has her crew, of course. They’re her friends - more than that, they’re her family - but she feels an enormous amount of responsibility that she can’t bring herself to share with them.

Avitus is friendly and keen to discuss work, but he closes up like a clam whenever she tries to move the conversation to more personal matters. She could wait for him to come around, but she’s not sure he ever will. Turians love with a profound sense of loyalty and they grieve deeply: she sees it in the hollowness of Avitus’s eyes, and the anxiety in Vetra’s shoulders, and, she suspects, the snarl of possession that runs between Kaetus and Sloane on Kadara. So she offers whatever pitiful comfort she can, and hopes that he finds someone to confide in eventually.

Sarissa is more reserved. Sometimes Ryder thinks she’s angry at her for getting involved in asari politics, although she doesn’t really understand what the fuss is about. Sarissa made a risky gamble and it didn’t pay off, but Ryder would have made the same decision. You do what you can with what you have. That’s all anyone can ask, and she doesn’t know why the asari expect more.

But Raeka always has time for her and her questions. She tells her stories about her father, and is surprisingly direct about her own motivations. Ryder has always appreciated how up-front salarians are, as if they’re determined not to waste a single breath of the limited time they have. There’s no _one days_ or _you’ll sees_ in the life of a salarian.

She’s striding towards the transit car when she sees Raeka leaning casually against the gate, looking out at the docking port.

‘Ryder!’ Raeka smiles and walks towards her. ‘On your way to the office?’

‘I, uh, yes,’ Ryder says, suddenly tongue-tied.

‘Come with me. I have something I’d like to show you.’ Raeka turns and begins to walk towards hydroponics, and Ryder gladly falls in step.

‘You were waiting for me?’

‘Saw the Tempest on the list of arrivals. Thought I’d intercept you before you got to the office.’ 

‘So what’s so important?’ 

‘Honestly? Hiding from Tann. He heard about the recent events at New Tuchanka and is fuming.’

Ryder groans and runs her hand through her short hair. ‘Sometimes I honestly think he’s going to start shooting flames from the horns on the top of his head.’ She pales suddenly when she realises who she’s talking to, but Raeka just laughs.

‘Hmmm, not quite part of salarian biology. Would be useful, though.’

A companionable silence falls between them as they wander through the rows of small greenhouses and plant beds. Raeka reaches out to run her hands along the sides of a small shrub.

‘I come here when I need to think,’ she says.

‘You like plants?’

‘I like ecosystems. How all of the parts come together to make a whole, something infinitely more complex and powerful.’

‘I feel that way about my gun,’ Ryder blurts out. _Oh god_ , she thinks. _Real smooth, Ryder_.

But Raeka just laughs again. ‘Do you know what a pioneer species is, Ryder?’ she asks.

Ryder recalls a distant science lesson. ‘Ah…species that can grow in uninhabitable areas?’

Raeka bends down next to a bed of grasses. ’They don’t just grow in damaged areas - they rehabilitate them. They improve the nutrient content of the soil or the water so that other species can survive there too.’ She runs her fingers through the young stalks. ‘The Andromeda Initiative likes to call us the ‘tip of the spear’. But I prefer ‘pioneer species’.’

‘We thrive in the barren wasteland?’

Raeka smiles gently, with a soft quirk of her mouth. ‘No. We pave the way for others to follow.’ She straightens and fixes Ryder with a look. ‘You seem to be doing that already.’ 

‘I don’t know. I feel like there’s a lot more death in my wake than new life.’

‘There’s no life without death, Ryder. It’s a balancing act, and tipping points lie around every corner. But I will always be grateful that you tipped the scales my way.’ 

‘Although,’ she adds, bending back down to inspect the seedlings, ‘I would rather have more botany and less bureaucracy.’

Ryder is struck by a sudden idea. ‘Do you think you can ditch Tann sometime in the next few days? I think we could use a field trip.’ 

She sees a wicked gleam in Raeka’s deep, dark eyes, and something unfurls in her stomach.

 _Oh_ , thinks Ryder. _Well, shit_. 

*******

Raeka steps off the shuttle and into the cool air of Havarl. She breathes deeply, taking in the scent of soil and growing things. With her scientist’s eye, she can already see how the biodiversity of the planet is hopelessly out of sync. Life is a balancing act, she’d told Ryder, and the natural environment was much the same. She brushes her hand along some of the overgrown flora. All it takes is one variable to gain the upper hand, and the whole system shifts irrevocably.

She heads over to the settlement, and is already deep in conversation with the scientists there when she hears Ryder’s footsteps behind her.

‘Ryder,’ she nods.

Ryder waves her arm in an arc. ‘Well?’ she smiles. ‘What do you think?’ 

‘Kiiran is right, the ecosystem is crumbling. The mutations are causing mass extinctions, and the few remaining species are colonising the landscape at an alarming rate.’

Ryder smiles and shakes her head. She takes her arm and gently steers her away from the scientists and to the edge of the walkway. ‘No,’ she says. ‘What do you think of this?’

Raeka looks again at the lush blues and purples, the soft twilight, and the majestic size of the planet on the horizon. ‘It’s exquisite,’ she admits.

Ryder looks inordinately pleased with herself. ‘I knew you’d like it,’ she says. ‘I’ve been reading some of your work on the biodiversity of Erinle, and I thought you’d have a unique appreciation for Havarl.’

‘You’ve been reading my research papers?’

‘Oh, um, only a few. I thought I might be able to learn something from them.’ 

Raeka feels a rush of affection for this strange, awkward human. ‘Come,’ she says, gesturing at the stairs. ‘Why don’t we go for a walk?’

They walk slowly through the vegetation, stopping regularly so Raeka can look at something more closely, or scan a sample with her datapad. Havarl is rich with the possibilities for research. Maybe one day, if they deal with the kett threat, she’ll come back to run tests on the plant life.

She hadn’t realised she’d spoken aloud until Ryder answers her. ‘One day.’ She looks sad, and Raeka opens her mouth to question her when she hears a noise to their right.

‘Adhi’, she hisses quietly, unholstering her weapon and motioning Ryder to do the same.

They ending up fighting much more than just Adhi, as the sounds of the battle alert a nearby camp of Roekaar. Raeka had seen Ryder in action, of course, back on the Kett ship, but it’s different here, when she has more time to focus on fighting as a team than simply staying alive. Ryder prefers to fight from a distance, sniping the angarans off one by one with well-aimed headshots. Raeka knows all the salarian jokes about slow and stupid humans, but Ryder’s measured pace is compelling. What she might once have read as sluggish becomes calm and controlled.

Raeka loves it. She doesn’t have to constantly focus on managing a team - instead, she can just live in the moment, knowing that Ryder always has her back. It’s exhilarating. And she knows that Ryder feels it too - she sees an answering fire in her eyes following the end of the fight. They grin at one another, and Ryder throws back her head and laughs. 

‘Raeka, you are a marvel,’ she says. ‘You’re so fast, I was almost worried I’d accidentally take your head off.’

‘I’d be gone before your shot hit its mark,’ Raeka retorts.

‘Why Pathfinder,’ grins Ryder, ‘are you calling me a bad shot?’

‘Hmmm…need more data.’

‘Oh, you’re on.’

They spend hours hunting adhi and challyrion and the stray roekaar through the vegetation, until they’re both giddy and exhausted. Raeka walks Ryder back to the Tempest, and watches from a safe distance as the ship departs. She knows she’ll see her again soon enough, but she feels an odd sense of loss as the ship grows smaller and smaller in the atmosphere.

 _This is new_ , she thinks. _And…problematic._

***

After Havarl, they try and schedule regular planetside meetings, just the two of them. It becomes something of game - one of them will send the other a set of coordinates and a time. Their meetings are usually the same: they walk and talk and explore the planet in the Nomad, before ending up in some kind of fight, sometimes multiple ones.

On Aya, they stroll through the markets, sampling food and goods, and Ryder stands open-mouthed in astonishment as Raeka manages to charm Evfra himself.

On Eladaan, Raeka helps Ryder collect the last of the plant samples, her keen eyes spotting them quickly against the desert sun. She bundles them carefully to protect them, rolling her eyes at Ryder’s dramatic protestations against the heat.

On H-047c, Ryder hands Raeka the keys to the Nomad, and they hurtle up and down the dunes until they’re breathless with adrenaline. 

Ryder looks forward to each one desperately. It’s the one time where she feels like she doesn’t have to be the Pathfinder. But more importantly, it’s _Raeka_. When they're together, she feels a weight in her stomach, like she’s grounded, tethered to the world in a way that gives her the power to do anything at all. 

She knows exactly what that feeling means. What she doesn’t know is what to do about it. It’s common knowledge that salarians aren’t interested in physical relationships, and Ryder doesn’t have a problem with that - it’s never been a priority for her anyway. But romantic ones? She wants that desperately, and she has no hope that Raeka feels the same way.

There’s more than one way to love, she tells herself, and she tries to convince herself that their friendship is all she needs. But she can’t entirely silence the yearning in her stomach, that greedy impulse that wants to lay claim to every single facet of Raeka’s heart.

After one trip to Eos, Ryder walks back into the Tempest, a smile on her face. 

‘Ryder!’ Jaal’s voice booms out across the hangar. 

She cranes her head to see Jaal leaning on the upper railing. ‘Hey, Jaal.’

‘And how is the lovely Raeka today?’

‘She taught me how to measure the water intake of the Eos trees from the weight of their buds.’

Jaal smiles. ‘She is a fine woman, Ryder. This is a good match. You have chosen well.’

Ryder feels her face flush. ‘I…uh…I don’t…’

‘Oh, come on, Ryder,’ Cora walks up behind her, a sly smile on her face. ‘Everyone knows. That dreamy look on your face after your little dates? It’s adorable.’

Ryder feels her face grow even hotter. ‘I am not adorable!’ she squeaks.

‘She is adoring,’ Jaal corrects. ‘Is that the right word? She adores, and it shines from her face.’

Ryder opens her mouth to object, but thinks the better of it. She won’t deny this feeling. It is hers, and she will own it and live it while she can. ’Thanks Jaal,’ she says instead. ‘You’re right - she is a very fine woman.’

‘Maybe you should tell her one day?’ Cora says gently.

Ryder turns on her heel and stalks back to the bridge. She won’t devote energy to futures that won’t exist, won’t ruin tarnish the beauty of the now with the worries and hopes of tomorrow. _The present is all I have and it’s enough_ , she tells herself. _It has to be_.

*******

The inaugural pathfinder party goes well into the night.

Raeka managed to steal the first Andromeda vintage from Tann’s private stash. Avitus brings a collection of dextro-friendly spirits from the Natanus, Sarissa brings honey mead from the Leusinia, and Ryder turns up with a case of beer. They drink and laugh and talk well into the night, trading stories and telling jokes and debating fiercely with one another.

But eventually, the talk turns to those they’ve lost - Alec and Macen and Ishara - and the conversation grinds to a halt. Raeka feels isolated and awkward, a constant living reminder of the ones who didn’t make it. Sometimes, in the very small hours of the morning, she wonders if she’s failed some fundamental pathfinder test by failing to give her life for her people.

Avitus and Sarissa depart soon after, subdued and morose. ‘Well, that ended poorly,’ she says to Ryder, who is slumped over the table.

‘Don’t take it personally,’ she murmurs. ‘We stay out of each other’s grief.’

Raeka frowns, unsure if she agrees, but Ryder’s in no state to debate anything. ‘Up you get,’ she says, slipping her arms under Ryder’s and hoisting her out of her chair. ‘I think it’s time we got you back to the Tempest.’

‘No!’ Ryder says, struggling weakly in Raeka’s arms. ‘Don’t want them to see their captain drunk.’

‘’Don’t be ridiculous. Your crew has the utmost respect for you, they won’t care if you’re slightly inebriated.’

‘No,’ Ryder repeats. She tips her head back to rest against Raeka’s chest. ‘Please.’

Raeka’s heart skips a beat. She’s never been this close to a human before. Ryder is warm, and surprisingly soft, but she can feel the strength in her muscles. Her arms are full of her, and her heart is even fuller.

‘Okay,’ she says, slipping Ryder’s arm around her waist, and leading her to the transit car. They disembark on the Paachero, and Raeka guides them through the quiet hallways.

‘Are we on the Paachero?’ 

‘Yes. Don’t worry, I’m taking you on the quiet route. Wouldn’t want to cause an inter-galactic incident, would we?’

‘Hmmm,’ Ryder murmurs. ‘We have to do something to keep Tann on his toes, right?’

Raeka is acutely aware of the feeling of Ryder’s hand on her hip. ‘Tann is the last person I want to think about right now,’ she mutters, and Ryder chuckles.

‘Ryder, can I ask you something?’ She doesn’t wait for a reply. ‘Why did you save my life back on the Kett ship?’

Ryder looks surprised. ‘We needed you, Raeka. We needed a Pathfinder. Someone who was trained, who knew what they were doing.’

‘Ryder…I told you once that being a Pathfinder was like being a pioneer species. But pioneer species don’t live to see the next stage in the succession. That’s the balancing act.’ 

Ryder frowns. ’No,’ she says adamantly. ‘This job has made martyrs of too many of us. We needed you. _I_ needed you.’

A small human hand curls around her own. ‘I still do.’

Her hand is all wrong - it has too many fingers and they’re too short - but Raeka thinks that nothing has ever felt so right in all her life.

Ryder sways alarmingly, and Raeka shifts so she can support her weight. ‘Come on, let’s get you to bed.’

She takes her to her own quarters, depositing her on the bed she rarely uses. Ryder is asleep before she’s barely hit the pillow. Raeka sits down on the edge of the bed and watches the sleeping woman. She knows how Ryder feels about her - she probably knew before Ryder herself did - but she’s surprised at the answering feelings in her own heart.

It frightens her. More than the kett, more than exaltation, more than the thought of the whole Initiative failing. She knows little about relationships, and even less about human ones. There are all sorts of social cues and conventions and she’s almost certain to screw it up. 

But she does know that she feels more herself when she’s with Ryder than she’s ever felt before. And she’ll do whatever it takes to stay by this woman’s side. She’s travelled 600 years to another galaxy - what’s one more leap into the unknown?

*******

Everywhere she turns on Meridian, there’s someone else who wants to shake her hand or pat her on the back. Everyone wants a piece of the Pathfinder. But she keeps scanning the crowd, looking for a long, lean frame and a pair of the deepest eyes she’s ever known.

In the end, it’s Raeka who approaches her, the other pathfinders in tow. 

‘You father invented the role’, she says. ‘But you defined it.’

The words fill Ryder with a warm glow. She knows it’s shining from her face. She takes a step towards Raeka, vaguely aware of her crew and the other pathfinders departing to give them some privacy.

‘Raeka, I-’

‘I know what you want to tell me, Ryder. I’ve known for a long time.’

‘Oh,’ Ryder feels suddenly shy. ‘Of course. Can’t get anything past a salarian.’

Raeka looks uncharacteristically uncertain. ‘Ryder…I don’t know if I can give you what you want from me.’

Ryder feels her temper snap. ‘You don’t know what I’m asking!’

‘Salarians don’t have the same…drives as humans.’

‘God, Raeka!’ She takes a deep breath, trying to control the volume of her voice. She doesn’t want to cause a scene. ‘You think this is about sex? Do you think that’s all I’m interested in?’

‘I know that physical intimacy is an important part of human relationships.’

‘It is for many people. But it doesn’t have to be, and it’s not so much for me. There are so many different ways to love.’ She feels her voice crack. ‘I love you, Zevin Raeka. In all the ways you’ll let me.’ She’s mortified to realise that tears are beginning to track down her cheeks, and she turns away. 

Raeka walks up quietly behind her, and spins her around so she can look into her face.

‘Oh Ryder,’ she says. ‘Do you remember what I told you, in our first conversation on the Nexus? That I would spend time looking at my own reflection, trying to understand myself?’

Ryder nods, tears still falling. ‘You sought clarity.’

Raeka reaches out to her, cupping her cheeks in both her hands, her long fingers stroking the tears away as they fall. ‘I thought I could find it in my own face, but I was wrong. It’s in yours.’ 

Ryder chokes back a sob.

‘Your face was the first thing I saw when I woke up in this galaxy,’ Raeka says gently. ‘And I’d like it to be the last.’

Ryder collapses into sobs, and Raeka pulls her to her, wrapping her long arms around her. They stay like that for a long time, until they’re interrupted by the sudden entrance of Tann.

Ryder goes to pull away but Raeka grips her more tightly. She can feel her raising her chin defiantly at Tann.

‘Finally,’ he mutters, turning on his heel and leaving the room.

Ryder groans. ‘I don’t want to know, do I?’

‘Well, I certainly don’t.’

Ryder sighs, and extracts herself so she can stare up into Raeka’s face. ‘So what do we do now?’

Raeka slips an arm around her shoulders, and steers her back towards the celebrating crowds. ‘We do the only thing we can. We go forward.’

*******

Salarians don’t need as much sleep as other species. On the occasions when they’re in the same place during a sleep cycle, Ryder usually falls asleep to the sounds of Raeka’s soft voice or quiet typing, and wakes to the same. She’s come to love it in the same way she used to love the sound of rain in the mornings, or the dawn chorus in the summer - that soft steady sound that told her that the world was turning in just the way it was supposed to.

But every once in a while, Ryder wakes to find Raeka asleep beside her. She sleeps in the same way as she does everything else - deliberate and sure. Ryder wishes she could watch her sleep forever.

She runs two fingers down the ridges on Raeka’s forehead, slowly tracing the curves of her face down to her lips. She maps her face with her fingertips: the curves and peaks of her forehead, the smooth expanse of her nose, the swell of her eyes. Her face is as rich as any landscape she’s ever traversed.

Raeka shivers and opens her eyes, lips quirking in a smile as she meets Ryder’s gaze. She reaches up to run her own finger down the bridge of Ryder’s nose, in a private gesture of affection that she saves for the moments when they’re alone. She turns to pick up the datapad on the table beside the bed.

‘Tann wants to meet with me in an hour - something about trying to maximise-‘

Ryder pulls the datapad out of her hands and tosses it in a corner, where it hits the ground with an alarming crunch. 

‘Ryder, if that’s broken, you’re going to answer to my requisitions officer.’

‘Mmm hmmm,’ Ryder murmurs. ‘Put it on my tab.’ She slides over until she’s laying pressed against Raeka’s side, and smiles when she feels Raeka’s arms curl around her protectively.

‘Oh Ryder,’ she says softly. ‘We named that planet well.’ She strokes her cheek slowly with her long fingers, before turning her gaze up to the tall windows behind the bed. ‘Magnetic and powerful and always an unexpected gift.’

 _Magnetic and powerful_ , Ryder thinks, with a small stab of pleasure. _Just like the earth_. But she looks at the galaxy reflected in Raeka’s deep eyes, and wonders if she might just be beginning to see the point of stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Pathfinder Raeka is a babe and it is the great tragedy of my game that my Ryder could not romance her. 
> 
> I read Ryder as gray-A and their relationship as romantic, but it's open to interpretation. 
> 
> The title comes from Andrea Gibson's beautiful poem [Royal Heart](http://ohandreagibson.tumblr.com/post/40691310778/royal-heart-you-will-never-be-let-down-by).


End file.
